Say a gal was really dumb on a Sunday morning and instead of being sensible and grownup and going to take a shower at 8 am, she decided to play with blog templates. For a really long time. Then all of a sudden she realizes its 45 minutes til time to leave for church and she isn’t dressed and the baby isn’t dressed and the three year old is standing in front of her in only her underwear.
Said woman would be interested in time-saving techniques. Am I right? Well, let me tell you what does not work. After getting both little ones dressed (17 minutes elapsed), move on to hairdos for the little ones. Do NOT choose an elaborate braided style for the 3 year old. During the time it takes to complete said hairstyle, 15 more minutes will have elapsed and the teenagers will have to cut short their own breakfast to do the one year old’s hair– wisely in a decidedly LESS complicated style.
At this point, look at watch and realize there are only 12 minutes to shower and dress and get makeup on and be ready to get out the door. Bring baby along to the bathroom, since a sure motivator for a uberfast shower is a baby standing just outside the tub, crying and repeatedly pulling back the shower curtain. This also ensures that the front of baby’s dress is wet when exiting to the frigid outdoors only moments from now.
Out of the shower, dress quickly in the outfit still draped neatly over the edge of the tub from last Sunday. (Pitiful, I know.) Decide that something else can be done concurrent with blow-drying hair. Note: please do not choose to apply heavy-moisture face cream bought in the vain hope of staving off late-30’s wrinkling. The wind from the blow-dryer will blow the hair onto the face. When hair touches the face it will stick to heavy-moisture face cream, necessitating turning off the blow dryer to unstick hair from face, blotting it with a dry cloth, and hoping said person will not look like an utter greaseball if she ever manages to actually get to church. Try not to say bad words. It is Sunday morning after all.
Look at watch and see that 2 minutes now remains before time to leave. Holler to kids to get coats on. Hair still needs blow-drying. At this point, please do NOT try to apply eyebrow pencil while finishing blow-drying hair. True, eye pencil is not moist. It does, however, require a steady hand, which said person apparently does not possess while wielding a blow dryer in other hand. Turn off blow dryer. Frantically scrub at clown-eyebrow.
Try not to say bad words at kid who comes in saying baby’s coat is missing. Remind kid through clenched teeth that baby owns 3 coats, any of which will suffice in this state of emergency.
Hastily comb mostly dry hair. Try not to say bad words at kid who comes in with a 4th, terribly ratty coat for the baby that you forgot she even owned. Holler for a bigger kid to conduct the coat search. Hastily apply rest of makeup, thanking the stars you’re not a high-maintainance kind of gal and your makeup can be slapped on in 4 minutes.
Look at watch on way out of bathroom and discover it is 5 minutes past time to leave. Conduct a 2 second search in closet finding the baby’s coat. Herd all children out to car. Grab a banana and hop in yourself. Thank heaven for your hubby who, blessedly, is ready to go and has even put your full coffee mug in the car. Sip coffee and try to make nice with everyone you’ve growled at in the past 20 minutes, hoping your heart rate will subside by the time you get to church and have to smile more convincingly.
Remind self to stay far from computer on Sunday mornings after 8 am.
I'm Mary, wife to John, and mom to 10 kids ages 3-20. Six of them were adopted, from Ethiopia and Korea. I spend my days applying Bandaids, reminding kids to use their inside voices, persuading kids fractions are useful, cooking spicy ethnic food, and snapping gig after gig of pictures. Very late at night, I write about it all.
omg, that is so funny. Makes me very happy that our Sunday am service is uber casual, so I only have to dress up for Sunday night!
that is similar to my Sunday morning yesterday. I was downloading and trying out different feed readers. . .thankfully I am the only one I have to get ready for church now, but I shaved it pretty close. . .
I hear ya! The siren song of the blog templates will get you every time. ;^) Oh, and have you ever tried blow-drying your hair after applying lipstick, and having lipstick-smeared hair whipping across your glasses (if you ever wear them), creating the need to clean off your hair and glasses and reapply lipstick yet again? Because maybe you should that for a change of pace. ;^) Oh, and why is it that Mom is the only one who knows where everything is and can find it on the first try…in plain sight?
I hope you guys got to church with no more mishaps and were able to smile convincingly at people.
Oh, I love that. My Sunday mornings are always like that!! My weakness is staying up late on Saturday night to watch Saturday Night Live. So I’m always dragging out of bed Sunday morning.
Yep, you kept it ‘real,’ Mary!
I’ve done the moisturizer/blow dryer mistake thing myself. But I bet you looked great when you got there, anyway!
That is so funny! The computer can be such a time stealer–but I like your new template!
Don’t you hate it when we do that to ourselves? I do. It’s usually my husband that I drag of the computer on Sunday mornings though. Funny post.
Loved it! Thanks for sharing, and thanks for dropping in on me! Most welcome any time… *Smile*
Oh my goodness. This was so funny. Only because I can so relate. Somehow I too found myself on the computer yesterday morning much longer than I thought. And I only have 2 kids to get ready and out the door. I can only imagine!!! Thanks for sharing!! Nice to know I’m not alone in the Sunday morning rush!
How is it that every other morning we are ready to head out the door at 8:10 for school, but can never seem to get around by 9:00 for church???
Oh dear that used to be me.We no longer actually fellowship anywhere so Sunday mornings are not chaotic any longer.
I was however late taking my daughter to kindergarten today because I was trying to fix something on my blog lol
BTW come along and bring lots of friends it’s that time again !!
Audition time again
Great Tips!LOL We don’t go to Sunday Service but we are always trying to get ready to get somewhere! Here from Wendy’s!
I’ve had many clown eyebrow days, scrub redo, oops too dark, scrub redo. One day I had too many makeup malfunctions……. the eyebrows, mascara, nothing went right, then I smeared my lipstick really bad when I wiped my face after brushing my teeth…. grumbling to myself, never wear makeup again!
Trying to Catch Up: Training Camp #2 is Almost Here! It’s a Double-header! First event at 6:00 AM EST on March 1.
Hmmm … just move that “Sunday morning” to, eh, let’s say Tuesday morning and we are on the same page. I was up at 5, worked out, showered and thought “gee, I should hceck my email before drying my hair” … 45 minutes later and I’m reading your blog and will be late for work. Why can’t we resist these machines!!?
I feel you. Our small group study this week is on “How to Survive Sunday Mornings!”
LOL!!!! You are so funny!!!
I’m at my in-laws, using their DSL rather than my dial up at home. I’m lovin’ your blog!!!! I checking everything out tonight.
Those are really useful tips I will try to remeber them for when I grow up. I am the youngest in a family so I have never had to deel with stuff like that.
This post, however off-topic it may be, is about Internet freedom. \”Network Neutrality\” — the First Amendment of the Internet — ensures that the public can view the smallest blog just as easily as the largest corporate Web site by preventing Internet companies like AT&T from rigging the playing field for only the highest-paying sites.
But Internet providers like AT&T, Verizon and Comcast are spending millions of dollars lobbying Congress to gut Net Neutrality. If Congress doesn\’t take action now to implement meaningful Net Neutrality provisions, the future of the Internet is at risk.
In the end game, only large companies will afford domains if the communications monopolies have their way with this. This of course isnt new news, but its coming to a head and blogs like this one will be a ghosttown unless all of us figure it our pretty darn quick. I wont post any links, but advise that if you value the internet, and blogs likw this one, that you search Google for \”Network Neutrality\” and educate yourself on this issue as it effects all of us.
Well, I know I am late to this party but this was laugh out loud hysterical and made me feel at peace with myself because I can relate to absolutely everything you wrote.
Blessings to you and thanks for the smiles!!!!
Sherri
That was just hilarious. We call getting cranky in the morning at the whole family and then all plastering smiles on, “the carpark miracle”. Probably happens to most families each Sunday morning.
I somehow found your blog…I love it. I have 3 bio kids and are adopting number 4.
THis is my life! I pick the worst times to just “check my email”.
God Bless@
Billie
I think that it is so like my family. I have three sons who need to be reminded to put on each piece of clothing. Then getting out the door seems to be the worst. But yes just like Billie above I to choose the wrong times to “check my e-mail”.
God bless you and thank you for the laugh.
Jen