Hey, y’all! I am feeling just buried in holiday stuff and writing stuff and…..well, I’ll spare you the boring recitation of all I have to do. But I wanted to announce the winner for last week’s Opinion Saturday question.
Very tough because you all shared such fun ideas! Don’t miss Leanne’s tree skirt idea, or Chinamom4’s China tree…or…well, just go read all the comments if you haven’t already. The winner this week, though, is Heidi from Butterfly Mama. I loved the international flair she gives Thanksgiving, and the sweet story she told of her first Thanksgiving date with her husband.
This week is your last chance to enter the drawing for the book about blogging. (Remember, you enter by posting your Opinion Saturday answer on your blog.) Here’s the question this week:
When you think about enlarging your family, what are some of the questions and concerns that come to your mind? Was it or is it a difficult or an easy decision to declare yourself ‘done’ with having children? If your family is already complete, feel free to share the questions you had as you faced the issue in the past. When you decided, did you decide once and for all, or did you find yourself revisiting the question over and over? I was chatting with my sisters about this over Thanksgiving, found it a fascinating topic, and thought it might be interesting to discuss here as well.
You have until Tuesday evening to post your comment here or on your blog. Hit me with your best thought!
People who’ve weighed in on their blogs:
1. FiddleDeeDee
2. Singalullaby
3. Blue Eyed Mexican
4. Embracing Momminess
5. Talking about Adoption
6. Bordermama
7. New Flower
8. On The Fly
9. Smithical
10. Butterfly Mama
11. jaimeanne
I'm Mary, wife to John, and mom to 10 kids ages 3-20. Six of them were adopted, from Ethiopia and Korea. I spend my days applying Bandaids, reminding kids to use their inside voices, persuading kids fractions are useful, cooking spicy ethnic food, and snapping gig after gig of pictures. Very late at night, I write about it all.
Wow. I’m the first one to comment!
This is a great topic for me these days.
You see, my youngest is 2 (and almost a-half). I am not pregnant, and I’m wondering and pondering.
We are Catholic, and don’t use birth control, we use Natural Family Planning. It hasn’t worked for us so well in the past,(I couldn’t figure out my cycle) hence we have 5 blessings in 7 years. That being said, I wouldn’t change it for the world. God knew what he was doing, and I am a much better person for it. My kids have changed me and molded me and shaped me in ways I never would have imagined.
But…. are we done? I can’t say for certain. My husband said he would be very sad if we were. Me too. We absolutely love our family, and would love to add to it. I’m just scared.
Scared? Of kids?
No. Not at all. Please, if someone could just hand me a baby or three, I’d take them in a heartbeat. (We can’t afford adoption, though) It’s just that I have to have cesareans, and I hate them. I’m afraid of the OR, the prep, the feeling of being under the knife, *shudder*, everything. I am paralyzed with fear. And so, when I could conceive, I just say “no, not yet, I’m not ready”. And then when I know I’m about to get my period, I pray to God that He has somehow worked a miracle, that I actually did get pregnant. Because I don’t want to make this decision.
This may be too weird for you, Mary, but for the first time in my life, I have to actually make the decision, (not be surprised) to get pregnant, and it scares me. It’s almost like I’ll have only myself to blame if something goes wrong, instead of leaning heavily on God as usual. He has blessed me so much, and yet I can’t seem to let this go and let Him decide. It’s definitely been a struggle.
Okiedokie. My contribution is up at my blog!
http://singalullaby.typepad.com/singalullaby/2006/11/table_for_six.html
Mary, great question. I needed to revisit this and I thank you for providing the opportunity.
Great topic! My post is up at my blog, and I’m excited to read what others had to say about this.
Hey there, everyone. My entry is up.
Thanks Mary, you’re so sweet!! I’ll have to get back to you on this one it is a really great question…
You can find my response on my blog here…
http://talkingaboutadoption.blogspot.com/2006/11/are-we-done.html
Just found your site–and gobbled up this entry. Dear hubby and I have been discussing this very topic!! The questions and concerns are never-ending!
Still blogless, but I want to contribute . . . this is a fun subject for us right now!
When we got married, I said, “Two, that’s IT!” Hubby said, “I’d love to have four, but we’ll just wait and see.” Ten years later, we have a wonderful two, a girl and a boy, everyone’s idea of a perfect family . . . but God has changed my heart. I know we are not done. I know we have children waiting for us. I know that any day now (after the holidays) we will start a paperchase like no other. I know that our paperwork will say we would like a sibling group – of two, maybe three!
And so over Thanksgiving, we were all in the kitchen. My husband mentioned that he was realizing that by this time next year we could have FOUR kids. My daughter, overhearing him, said, “I want four more.” Hubby, helping her with her math, tried to point out that meant we would have six kids; she was thrilled with that idea. And the three year old then decided that we should have six more, which means eight kids. Hubby looked at me for help; I just laughed and told him, “I’m not going to put a stop to this. I like the direction this is heading!”
So my two has turned into four, maybe more. What better way to be blessed! I just have to figure out how to get that much laundry done . . . and how on earth I am going to manage moving all of us around the country/world when the military sends us our next set of orders . . . and how I am going to juggle our grocery budget . . . and how we are going to fit into our current van, ’cause I just can’t imagine driving anything bigger! . . . but in reality I know that the same God who has made my “two” into a four knows exactly how to turn chaos into peace, provide food on a budget, and how to manage all of the myriad of other things I worry about when I think about it all too much!
Now if I can just find someone to travel to Ethiopia with me . . .
My entry is up!! I wonder if I am going to make anyone mad at me…
When my hubby and I got married he wanted 2 – we ended up with twins the 2nd pregnancy – so ended up in my idea of perfect 2 boys 1 girl VERY CLOSE in age (currently 8,7 & 7). So he went for the clip! Here we are 6 years after that and starting the adoption process – and it scares me that maybe I won’t ever feel “done”. We are reviewing the file of a toddler girl in India and I am already thinking when this adoption is done maybe going back for a little boy………
Megan – we can’t afford adoption either – WACAP has “promise children” people or busines sponsor a specific child and pay for most of their adoption – we pay for the home study, INS & fingerprints and travel.
[...] Mary asked for opinions on how you know if you should expand your family or not. The Lord (I’m assuming She reads this blog) knows I need to win that book on blogging Mary is giving away, so here’s my thoughts: [...]
My mom said that after she had me she knew she was “done”. (I was the seventh.) I’m still waiting for that feeling to hit since adoption makes it possible when the biological clock says no more.
When we were dating, I told my husband that I wanted twelve. He thought I was kidding. We had five in short order and then caved in to cultural pressure and put an end to it — clip, clip. We were still in our twenties — WHAT WERE WE THINKING???
I never liked birth control, although we used it. After all, if God is sovereign, and children are a blessing, then why are they the only blessing we say ‘no, thank you.’ to. I envy people who have the faith to take what God gives them, although I don’t believe birth control is wrong per se. It just seems very liberating to depend solely on God for family size.
Anyway, I guess we’re an example of God using even our sinfulness (my lack of faith) to glorify Him. If we would have continued to conceive biological children, I don’t know if we would have adopted. And what a gift our adopted children have been. And God has changed my husband’s heart. Now when I say, “Well, how about if we adopt one more?’ He replies, “Why only one?”
So, we’re both heading into the upper 40’s and working on bringing home child number ten. Will there be twelve? Only God knows.
Jean
hello! i linked to your blog with my answer to this week’s question at: http://www.smithical.com i hope i made it in under the deadline?
~liz
Mine is up too….http://butterflymama.blogspot.com/2006/11/opinion-saturday-and-other-ramblings.html
[...] Mary over at Owlhaven asked: When you think about enlarging your family, what are some of the questions and concerns that come to your mind? Was it or is it a difficult or an easy decision to declare yourself ‘done’ with having children? If your family is already complete, feel free to share the questions you had as you faced the issue in the past. When you decided, did you decide once and for all, or did you find yourself revisiting the question over and over? [...]
I hope I made the deadline! Here’s my entry sneaking in: B&N With Kids
[...] Also I wanted to announce my weekly ‘Golden Keyboard’ winner, for this weeks’ Opinion Saturday question. It is Bordermama. Bordermama, email me, and I will give you the code for the award so you can put it on your blog if you like. [...]
Mary! Are you done yet? I sense a little itch for one more!