Archive for the ‘Funny Kids’ Category

An alternate reality

I have three children who were all born within 5 months’ time. Currently they are all ten years old. They are each other’s best buddies, but they are also extremely competitive. Who’s taller? Who’s faster? Who can hold their breath the longest underwater? Everything is a competition.

The other day the three of them came bursting out of my bathroom, the girl in the lead. “I’m the most pounds, mom!” she declared triumphantly.

The boys were quick to dispute her position as heaviest of the three. “Yeah, but it doesn’t count. Mom, she was holding the trash can when she weighed herself!”

Oh, yeah, I do that all the time.

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This morning at breakfast one of my 10 year old boys was teasing his 10 year old sister, just a little. She arrived from Ethiopia 11 months ago, and her vocabulary isn’t quite as extensive as his, so he pulled out an old joke he’d used to death on his 6 year old sister.

“You have epidermis on your face!” he said, brushing at her cheek as if chasing off a bug. She could tell by the twinkle in his eye that something was up, but she copied his motion, brushing at her face.

My 6 year old daughter, from her frequent hearing of this joke in the past, knew the definition of the word. “Don’t worry!” she yelled to her sister. “That just means skin. You have skin on your face!”

My 10 year old son was disgusted she’d blown his joke and loudly protested.

When she realized he was aggravated with her she tried to comfort him. “OK, next time we get some new Ethiopians, I won’t tell them your joke.”

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An interesting mix

Spoken by my 10 year old son this evening: “Mom, I’m going to save up my money, so I can pay all your bills. Then you can live in the middle of fountains and Bibles and new cars.”

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The other evening my 3 year old and 5 year old were in the bathroom getting ready to brush their teeth. The 3 year old held out her toothbrush to the 5 year old and said, “Can you give me some frosting?”

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Thinking fast

Eldest is talking about getting an apartment with a friend this summer.   I’m sad to think of her not living at home, but I’m also excited for her to have this adventure.  This evening on the way home from Pizza Hut, John and I were talking about which extra bits of furniture we have that might be useful to her.  As we ticked off the various pieces of furniture she’d be able to take from her bedroom,  John remembered that our second daughter will be headed off to the dorms for college this fall as well.

“Wow, that room is going to be empty during the week,” John said.  She’ll be coming home on the weekends so the room won’t be entirely deserted, but still, it is going to be different.  I can’t say I am looking forward to two of my kids off on their own– actually I’ve been trying hard not to think about it.  But it’s what kids are supposed to do, after all.  And….hmmm…. the thought of all that empty bedroom space got me thinking… 

“That might be a nice quiet place for me to go write during the school week,” I said.

Second daughter was sitting too far back in the van to have heard the entire conversation, but she did hear something about her room, and immediately protested.

I was puzzled.  “But, honey, you’ll be living in the dorms during the week.”

“Oh, that’s right.  I forgot!” she said with a chuckle, relieved to hear I didn’t have designs for her space when she was actually occupying it. 

“And I’d only sit in there to write,” I reassured her. “I’m not moving in.”

My line apparently didn’t convince my 16 year old son.  With a twinkle in his eye, he said, “The parents giveth and the parents taketh away.  Blessed be the name of the parents.”

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This afternoon after surviving an arduous first-day-of-homeschool-after-a-10-day-vacation, I pulled out an activity that I’d brought on the trip but hadn’t gotten around to doing with the girls.   It was totally frou-frou:   a bunch of dollar-store fake fingernails.   The girls had a blast sticking on the nails, feeling ever-so-elegant.


As my 5 year old was flourishing her lovely nails grandly around, a new thought came to her.  “Hey,” she said to her 10 year old sister, “if you have anything waaay up inside your nose that you want to get out, I could get it for you!”

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sage advice

Last night my 5 year old decided to tell a story, which the 3 year old listened to with rapt attention. After her big sister’s story wound down, the 3 year old jumped in with her own story, but was immediately interrupted.

“You’re supposed to start with ‘once upon a time’,” advised the 5 year old. “That’ll help it go easier.”

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My two 9-yr-old sons were discussing their ardent wish to become police officers. “It would be so cool. You get to use guns and Taser and learn martial arts and drive a police car really fast with the lights on….”

My 13 year old son helpfully remembered something he’d read about police officer training. “You know, in police academy when they’re training you to use Tasers, they have to Taser you.”

“No way,” said the younger ones, looking horrified.

“Yeah, it burns like fire but only for a second.” The 13 year old said this with some satisfaction.

“I don’t want to get Tasered,” said one of the 9-yr-olds uncertainly. You could just about see him pondering alternate job options.

The 13 year old chose that moment to add another helpful tidbit. “Yeah, and when they train you to use pepper spray, you have to get pepper-sprayed too.”

“No way. What about when they train you to use a gun?” asked my other 9 year old, concerned. “Do they have to shoot you?”

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One of my 9 year old sons, a Korean adoptee, was born missing his right foot and wears a prosthetic leg. He has never been really self-conscious about it– wears shorts every day of the year that I will possibly allow it, loves to swim, etc. But when he was little, he wasn’t always sure how to answer people’s questions. When people would ask him about his leg, he would often look to me for help. I would answer for him, and then he and I would talk about different ways to answer the questions.

Well, I guess those days are past. The other day at the pool a kid asked about his leg. He told the kid he fought in the Korean War.

The kid looked at him, goggled-eyed. “Really??”

At that point my son laughed and told him that, no, actually he was born that way.

But his reply made me laugh my head off. And feel really proud to see he was finding his own way to answer questions.

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Today my five year old came into the kitchen. She was carrying a slightly crumpled sequin-studded pink cardboard crown and wearing a frown.

“Who threw my crown away? I found it in the garbage!”

“I don’t know, “ I said, hoping it hadn’t been me.

“I think it was (16 year old brother), “she said knowingly. “ I think he was jealous because HE doesn’t have one!”

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